The Seat I Refused to Change — and the Lesson That Changed My Life

The Seat I Refused to Change and the Lesson That Changed My Life

How Missing a Wedding Taught Me Humility: A Reflection from My Youth Ministry Class

During my journey in Practical Theology at Columbia Theological Seminary, one of the courses I have come to truly enjoy is Youth Ministry, taught by Rev. Dr Christine J. Hong. The course is fully asynchronous and online, which means much of the learning happens through thoughtful reflection and writing. Each week invites us not only to study adolescent development and ministry but also to revisit our own stories.

In Week 5, from March 2 to March 6, we focused on fear, anger, sorrow, grief, and adolescence. One assignment that stood out was writing a letter to our younger selves, using the voice of the faith leader we are now, to offer spiritual encouragement.

This assignment brought up strong memories for me. It made me think of an important lesson I learned as a teenager in Ibadan, Nigeria, a lesson that started with anger and disappointment but ended with humility.

It happened on a day that was supposed to be joyful: my uncle’s wedding in Ilorin. What began as excitement quickly turned into one of the most memorable formative experiences of my adolescence.

Below is the letter I wrote.

A Letter to My Adolescent Self

Dear Ayodele Alonge,

I remember the day clearly. You were a young boy in Ibadan, excited because the whole family was preparing to travel to Ilorin for your uncle’s wedding. It was a joyful moment, one of those family celebrations that do not happen often.

But on the way, something small turned into something big.

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Your father asked you to move from the front seat to the back of the bus. To you, it seemed like a small request, but you resisted. To him, however, it was about obedience and respect. When you refused, he stopped the car and sent you back home.

At that moment, you felt angry and sad. You were embarrassed, misunderstood, and deeply disappointed. While everyone else went on to celebrate, you sat at home alone and missed your favourite uncle’s wedding.

For years, that memory stayed with you. Each time you thought about it, it carried a sense of regret and pa

in.

Today, I write to you not as that angry boy but as the youth minister and academic you will one day become.

First, I want you to know something important: your feelings were real. Adolescence is a time when emotions can feel overwhelming. Anger, embarrassment, and disappointment often feel magnified because young people are experiencing significant emotional and neurological development. What you felt that day was not unusual; it was part of growing up.
Second, I want you to see that your father wasn’t trying to embarrass you. He wanted to teach you something important for your character: obedience, humility, and respect for authority. These values will become important in your life as a scholar, teacher, and ministry leader. The leadership opportunities you will have in church, academia, and community life will require the discipline to listen, follow instructions, and respect others.

But I also want to offer you compassion.

Young people sometimes act out not because they are bad, but because they feel overwhelmed, misunderstood, or cornered. When youth feel judged, they may react emotionally because they believe they have no other way to express themselves. Often, what they truly need is patience, understanding, and guidance rather than condemnation.

So, young Ayodele, here is the wisdom I want to leave with you:

Learn humility early. Sometimes, where you sit is not as important as the journey itself. Whether you are in the front or the back, you will still reach the destination.
Learn to pause before reacting. Not every moment of anger requires an immediate response. Silence and reflection can often be stronger than pride.
Learn that discipline is not rejection. The correction you received that day felt painful, but it was part of your formation. Many years later, you will realise that discipline often carries hidden love.

And finally, remember this:

Mistakes don’t define you; they help shape who you become.

The regret you feel today will become a teacher. It will help you grow into a man who guides young people with empathy and wisdom. When you stand before youth as a mentor and minister, you will remember what it felt like to be misunderstood. That memory will help you lead with patience and compassion.

One day, you will thank your father for that difficult lesson.

And one day, you will realise that the boy who missed a wedding in Ilorin was actually beginning a journey toward maturity, leadership, and faith.

So do not let this moment harden your heart.

Let it shape your character.

You are growing.
You are learning.
And God is still forming you with wisdom and grace.

Final Reflection

This assignment reminded me that youth ministry is not only about guiding young people, it is also about remembering our own journeys. Many of the experiences we carry from adolescence, whether joyful or painful, become the very tools God uses to shape our empathy, leadership, and ministry.

Looking back now, I don’t see that moment as punishment anymore. Instead, I see it as one of the first lessons that helped shape who I am becoming.

Sometimes the moments that feel like loss in our youth become the foundations of wisdom later in life.

Ayodele John Alonge
Friday 7th March, 2026, 12:05 am (CET)
Enshade, Nerherlands

The Seat I Refused to Change — and the Lesson That Changed My Life

A Letter to My Adolescent Self

Final Reflection

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